Stoicism and manliness

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 This Blog post will be used for myself and my reflections. It’s goal is to help anyone live a better life. As my name says, I am only a student. I am far from expert and what I say here is only my view and not absolute truth. I may be totally wrong and I believe that this is how life goes: you learn as you go… This blog is going to be raw as fuck so feel free to get offended.


BEING MORE OF A MAN

I have been on a literal quest for being more of a man since I have been told by some girls that I look gay and give off gay vibes. That moment hit me HARD and I don’t ever want this shit to happend to me again. I thought I had chances with these woman but it’s like they didn’t even consider the possibility they could be with me. 

On this journey, what I found was the most confusing part about being more of a man figuring out is what does means to be a man. After lots of journaling and of searching online, I still don’t have a concrete awnser, which sucks. But I still found a few things

To clarify my choice of words, I will the difference between being manly and being masculine. The latter means having man’s energy (you can call it testosterone) and manliness means directing that energy to your mission, core values and what’s important to you in general. So masculinity without manliness can be destructive for everyone (you have to put that energy somewhere!). There are 2 things that are, in my view, the most important factors about being more manly. These things made me feel as more of a man each time I worked hard and went out of my ‘confort zone’ to apply them.


MISSION AND CORE VALUES

So, the 2 most important aspect to being more of a man is to 

- have a set of core values

- having a mission

Having a set of core values means explicitly asking yourself "what do I truly value as a man?" and writing down your awnsers. After that, you rank these in an order of importance to you (which one do you value most). The most important value will be the first one on the list and that one should be the most important value in your life. These values will help you navigate life in the way you want and also prevent you from going in a direction you don’t want to go into. You have to act in accordance with these values and not be afraid to be ridiculed for them. Be honest with yourself when you don’t act in accordance with them and try to figure out a way you can do better (if that’s what you wish for). It is important to be true to yourself during this exercise and not to choose a value just because someone else thinks it is important. You are doing this for yourself, not for other’s opinion.

Having a mission means having a direction for your life. It is something you are passionate about and think of very often in your days. What would keep you up at night because you want to continue doing this thing? (no fuck you porn doesn’t count, video games either) Instant gratification is NOT a purpose. You might value wisdom above all else, or art. A purpose will eventually need to grow into something bigger than yourself. That means you will have to help others with the expertise you got from focusing on what really matters to you as a man: on your mission. Helping could be done by teaching something, giving out your skill, anything that could help and benefit others. It’s when your mission becomes something bigger than yourself that you feel like you actually make a difference. It’s amazing.

Just a note that your purpose/mission doesn’t have to be something really big. Whatever it is, trust yourself.


INNER WORK IS NECESSARY 

You won’t (and I didn’t) just know what this mission is and what these values are if you don’t purposefully take some time to introspect, ask yourself some serious questions and journal about them. 

If you don’t have either of those (values and mission), you will have to find them out, as I did, as everyone did. It is the most rewarding thing I ever did. Acting in accordance with these things will inevitably give you so much more energy and you will know and FEEL that you are in the right direction. ‘Going with the flow’ can sometimes be a great advice but right now, you have to think about which path you choose to go down in life and forcefully and consistently pursue it.


HONESTY 

Honesty. You have to be fucking RAW and brutally honest about your feelings, desires, passions, values, opinions, thoughts both to others and to yourself. Don’t change your beliefs to be accepted by others! Be 100% honest and raw about them. See how that makes you feel? Gets off a load of off your chest uh? Honesty is hard, but real men seek difficult things.



"If you want to be a man, you must first act like one."


Note: My next blog will be on role models and how they make you a better man!



Ciao!

-The Stoic Student


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